I had to abandon a long tour that I had been planning for years halfway through it, and I’m still devastated. How do I get over it?
Dear Devastated,
I’m so sorry. It’s understandable that you’re feeling a great sense of loss, given how invested you were in this trip. It is totally okay to take some time to grieve the fact that it didn’t turn out as initially planned. You had intended to make this dream a reality, and circumstances got in the way of that happening. Something like this, that has been in your mind and heart for so long, isn’t something you can get over just like that.
Last year I co-led two cross-country trips, and at each of the orientation meetings, our participants shared why they picked this particular trip. It was truly inspiring to hear so many of them describe the years, and even decades, that they had been thinking and dreaming of riding their bicycle across the country. Many had to wait for the right time, whether it was retirement or kids leaving the house. They had to get the support of their loved ones, since nine to eleven weeks is a really long time to be away from home and household responsibilities. Many had to save up money because even though bicycle travel is pretty darn cost-effective compared to other types of travel, it still costs a chunk of change to go on a multi-week tour. Everyone did so much preparation just to get to the start of the tour — even that was a feat to be celebrated.
Then the actual riding started, and “it got real,” as they say. Both tours dealt up challenging weather, traffic, and road conditions. Even under the best of circumstances, 60-75 days is a long time to ride your bicycle. And honestly, there were times when some riders didn’t think they’d finish. I don’t know your unique circumstances, but a whole list of reasons for ending your tour come to mind: injury, weather, mechanical issues, family emergency, group dynamics. Any of which can lead to fatigue, loneliness, frustration, homesickness, and finally just feeling the need to tap out. You are human.
The need to abandon your tour before it was complete does not diminish what you accomplished. If your initial tour was 3,000 miles and you made it halfway, that means you rode your bicycle 1,500 miles! That is something that 99.9% of people haven’t done and won’t ever do. If you planned to ride for a month and only made it two weeks, you still planned and completed a two-week bicycle tour, which is long, even for the most committed recreational cyclists. I would bet money that if you described your tour to nearly anyone — where it started and where you finished — they would be impressed beyond belief. Please don’t sell yourself short on what you did.
While it’s possible that you’ll always have some regrets about what happened, sometimes as time passes, we’re able to make peace with an unfortunate outcome. Let me share a personal experience.
When I was in my early 20s, there was nothing I wanted more than to join the Peace Corps. After making it through many stages of the process, they ultimately declined my application due to a past medical concern. I also was devastated. I felt really lost, trying to reconcile my reality with what I had been envisioning for many months. Eventually other opportunities and possibilities came, and I took another path in helping others and in satiating my appetite for adventure. I still think about the Peace Corps but no longer feel the deep disappointment from that rejection. Ultimately, I’m glad that life worked out the way it did. I wonder if your future adventures might also someday ease what currently feels so heartbreaking?
In addition to recognizing the validity of your feelings and trusting that time might cast a different light on your trip, I’m wondering what the possibilities are for resuming your tour where you left off? Many, many people tackle epic journeys in smaller pieces for time and logistical reasons. Section hiking the Pacific Crest Trail or section biking the Great Divide Mountain Bike Route are much more common than tackling the whole thing in one go. It doesn’t even have to be right away. When the COVID pandemic started, many epic trips had to stop mid-way through. Even though it took two or three years, some of these groups were so committed to finishing with the same people that they went to great lengths to make that happen.
If this is a possibility, you’d hardly be starting from scratch. It sounds like you’ve done much of the planning, and from the amount of the tour you’ve already completed, you probably have some wisdom that you didn’t have the first time around. If it wasn’t a particular event that caused you to abandon your tour, but rather some more generalized conditions, are there ways to mitigate circumstances that were challenging? If you were previously solo, can you bring a riding buddy? Is this a route that would benefit from some vehicle support? Would it be helpful to break the days into shorter distances or factor in more rest days? It’s okay to adjust expectations for what your dream long tour should look like.
If you decide to start planning a new dream tour, there’s never been a better time for bike touring! The options for off road adventures utilizing bike paths and gravel roads keep expanding. Many small towns welcome bicycle tourism. Digital routes are easily searchable and accessible via RidewithGPS. And if the planning seems like a lot, Adventure Cycling offers several epic guided tours each year. Not only are the logistics taken care of, but as tour leaders we are there to support and empower you on your journey.
Your feelings about your discontinued tour are totally valid, and I feel for you. No one wants to keep mulling the “what ifs” of plans that didn’t go how we were expecting. Ultimately though, you had an adventure. If there were things you could have done differently, I’m guessing you learned from them. If you ended your tour due to circumstances beyond your control, even the best laid plans go awry. My wish for you is that you are able to both find pride in what you accomplished and start dreaming about your next big adventure. Happy pedaling!
Lead photo by Kerry O’Connell
The post Ask An Adventure Cycling Tour Leader: How to Get Over Trip Abandonment appeared first on Adventure Cycling Association.
